Kokohead, Cataclysmic Calamity, and Check Out Chilly Dog (please!!!)

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon here in the heart of Waikiki; The lovely Kristina and I are enjoying endless rays, jamming out to my new found favorite band (skyrocket love, check them out), and wondering What the Heck is going on with the Minnesota Vikings.  Drama Surrounded QB, Unproductive D Line, slobs of Offensive Linemen such as Bryant McKinnie (do we need to revisit what he did on Al and Alma’s boat cruise?), and yet there is hope in the fact that we have two of the more talented position players in the NFL (Harvin and Peterson).  Did the players quit on Chilly? Yes.  Is Favre miserably unproductive? Yes.  Does Loadholt seem like a little kid looking at butterflies instead of blocking? Yes.  Do our Defensive Backs know how to tackle, catch, cover a receiver, or have football instincts? No.  Regardless, the team is a change.  Not everything points to the head coach, But, he should simply do everyone a favor and check out.  The ticker on ESPN will read: Wolf fires Childress; Frazier steps in as Interim Head Coach.  Favre retires Mid Season.  Jackson to lead newly found run and gun offense. 

Cool. Go Colts.

What’s Kokohead Kraig? What are you talking about Cataclysmic Calamity? 

Kokohead is a beast.  To those geography majors, Kokohead is a cinder cone remaining from the last active volcano that occurred on O'ahu approximately 10,000 years ago. This crater is the tallest tuff ring in Hawaii, measuring 1,207 feet in height, and an old artillery station.  To me, it is an enigma, a test from the G-O-D himself, for He must have known that when I embarked upon this hike I was going to be miserably hungover. 

Friday night consisted of a fun night with the team: Japanese Steakhouse, Saki, Korean Karaoke Bar (interesting), Coconut Willy’s and Senor Frogs for dancing.  Head pounding, mouth parched, body aching, my teammate woke me up to say she was going hiking at Kokohead with a friend.  We originally planned to tackle this mountain together and I couldn’t back out.  Step 1, get out of bed, accomplished.  

We departed for the mountain around 10:30am, probably the worst time to ever go on a hike that has no shading and is pretty much a 1200ft VERTICAL climb.  Barf.  Don’t worry, I did, but we will go into those details later. 

Looking like Joe Cool with my Maui Jim’s on (sp) because my eyes were oversensitive, grabbing a bottle of water, I used the 20 minute drive to take a quick nap.  Sudden Stop.  Geez T-Lo, easy with the driving por favor.  With every turn, every break, my stomach clenched and felt as though it were a towel being rung out.  I suppose this isn’t all that inaccurate considering I was dehydrated. 

By the time we arrived at Kokohead my head felt like it were about to explode.  Cranking my neck to look at the top of the mountain, Jeff (T-lo’s friend), simply looked over and said, “I can’t believe the two of you are about to do this in your condition.”

Hip, Hup, Just a mountain. 

Step after step felt as though the trip was an inch closer to death.  Are we there yet?

Oh…My…Word…What the hell is that?

Pointing at this near vertical climb roughly ¾ of the way up the mountain, I had THE moment.  You know what that moment is.  We experience it every day after a great night of partying.  Ah, I’m just gonna lay in bed for another hour.  No need to work out today, I will work out tomorrow.  Mmmm, give me a slice of pepperoni pizza. 

Thinking to myself that I still had over 90% of the mountain to go, this was a perfect opportunity to turnaround.  On my left shoulder perched this evil devil, laughing at me for the night before.  Kraig, turn around, go grab a beer.  (no folks, I am not talking about Jeff Barlow, nor am I hearing voices, or insane…last comment might be questionable).  Trudging forward, step after step, he kept getting louder and louder.  But luckily, nearing about 50% completion, I received encouragement from the sweet angel on my right (no, I am not talking about Kristina, and again, nor am I insane).  Kraig, in forty seven seconds you are going to be given the five minute flu.  Do this: Purge yourself?  The angel left and I, again, was back on my own with the looming decision in the forefront. 

BLAGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Have any of you ever thrown up on a sixty degree incline mountain with a narrow path and very little room to the side? Well, I did.  It was awkward.  People stared, pointed, laughed, and I wonder if they thought I was out of shape.    For all of those that stopped I just wanted to turn around and yell, “No, I am not out of shape, I just had Saki bombs last night and partied my heart out.” But, the inner peace that followed this wonderful purge held me back and my legs regained their strength. 

With the energy, I climbed my heart out Rocky style singing, “it’s the, eye of the tiger, it’s the grit of the fight…” every 15 steps. 

This is cliché, but as I neared the top, I jogged harder; and upon reaching the top, I walked up to Jeff, gave him a high five, turned around, and raised my arms in triumph.  Beat that Rocky. 

Every sweat drop, Every muscle ache, Every stop along the path to ‘catch my breath’ was worth it! The view on the top of the mountain is astonishing.  Stretching for miles and miles due to the clear sky, I could see EVERYTHING.  Other islands, ocean barges in the distance, Waikiki, Diamond Head, Hanauma Bay, you name it, and I could see it. 

There you have it, with every trial, every tribulation, we must find ways to overcome that.  Mine was an angel perched on my right shoulder.  What is yours?

Black Pearl, Mr. Bhatt, and the Rock

Where has the time gone? 4 weeks Kraig, get with it.  First, to my avid followers, my apologies.  Looking back at this month, I find that my time is not spent on things that matter most to me (Do not jump to conclusions that I have been on a 3 week binger; Instead, simply use the previous line as a disclaimer to this article). 

I took a time management course today, well needed, and the topics and discussion literally forced me to write.  I enjoy writing, feel that I have stuff to write about, and therefore, must write, right?!

(Pause 5 seconds, take a deep breath Kraig)….So…

What in the hell have I been up to?  In all fairness, I have been busy.  My days and nights over the past three weeks have consisted of: work, work, work, golf, golf, sunset (cough, cough, booze cruise), work, work, work, Wedding (congrats Ky and Craig), work, work, work, and dates.  Well, let’s recap in more detail. 

My manager and I had a close work friend visit us towards the end of October.  Although he recently left the company to pursue a better position for a competitor, I think extremely highly of this gentlemen for multiple reasons: Patience, Coaching, and Integrity.  For the stories to come, and the weekend as whole, let’s refer to him as Mr. Bhatt.

After leaving work early on Friday, we ventured Northwest to golf at Makaha Resort Golf Club which I had researched and misread to be the #1 golf course on O’ahu; It wasn’t.  The course does have potential, however, but the lack of residents at the actual resort forced them to cut back: old beer in the coolers, minimal yardage markers, shaggy greens, torn apart golf holes, and a remade par 3.   Instead of continuing to tear apart the golf course with snipes left and right, we shifted focus to ball contact and swings in preparation for Saturday’s round.   The quick round gave us an opportunity to head back to Waikiki, shower, and then brace ourselves for a solid dinner. 

If any of you have the opportunity to go to Roy’s in Waikiki, I strongly recommend it.  A fine Seafood, Sushi, Hawaiian Fusion restaurant, every time we have had a group meal at this restaurant with plentiful cocktails, we continue to overestimate our final bill and leave pleasantly surprised.  Leaving the restaurant through the front doors, walking past the outdoor seating area, my roommate noticed a strange smell, turned around, and asked the question, “Do you smell something?” 

Quickly, as if from the bleachers, someone yelled, “Do you SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL…What the Rock is cooking?!!!”  Startled, we turned around to see Dwayne “the rock” Johnson chilling with his entourage at the outdoor seating.  This story sounds more interesting if we took this route, so continue to go with it for the sake of entertainment (We did see the rock, but did not begin conversations in this fashion). 

Kristina, like any star-stricken female, snapped her neck around to find him instantly; I never asked her, but I do think she had a mild neck sprain from the whiplash. 

“Hey, hey! Are you really The Rock?” she inquired.  The gentlemen did strike a close resemblance to Mr. Johnson, but with the dark lit balcony blocking our certainty, it was a fair question.  The guy, did not respond, however.  Instead, he did a shimmy in the chair, twitched his neck, shifted his face to give her a ¾ view of his face, raised ONE eyebrow, and smiled; All of this happened within one second!

“Oh! It is you! Can we have a picture?!”

“No, we are not taking pictures,” said Entourage Member #1. 

Geez, what a chump, at least let the guy talk for himself.  And, just as quickly as we had the whiff of the Rock, it did, ultimately, remain, just a whiff. 

***

Golf the next day brought us to Ko Olina Golf Club, ample sunshine, and a new outlook on golf.  Now, another recommendation; for those of you that enjoy the game of golf, you have to play Ko Olina.  The course is fair, open, enjoyable, but it is the staff and presentation that makes this course memorable.  Spoiled rotten from the moment we opened our trunk, the staff took our clubs, escorted us where to go, prepared everything for us, and were so energetic that we knew the golf day couldn’t get any better, and it did!  Originally we thought that since we did not have Kama’aina cards (State ID card that allows discounts at a variety of attractions) we were going to be required to pay an unruly amount of $$$, but the guy took my word that I lived here and by golly gee whiz, golf was less than half off…clutch.

With plentiful sunshine, 27 holes, ample drinking, the golf finally came to a close as we needed to prep for the sunset cruise.  Prior to the cruise, Mr. Radtke (great man from Target), graciously invited us over to his place for a drink and to shower.  With 45 minutes left to boarding for the cruise (thought it was 5:30pm), we instantly accepted.  The moment I arrived in the door, however, my phone rang. 

“Hello Mr. Olson, do you want to reschedule?”

“Um, reschedule what?”

“Well, the Ko Olina Katamaran departs at 5:00pm and your party has yet to check in. Would you like to reschedule.”  The irony of the situation is that from the golf club parking lot to where we board for the Katamaran, a person could probably throw a football and hit the boat (note: sarcasm).  We WERE close, however.

“Oh no! I thought it was 5:30pm.  Has the boat departed yet?  We are in Ko Olina and no more than 5 minutes away.” 

Pause…Anticipation maxed

“Why yes Mr. Olson, they are still going through the safety briefing.  If you can get there in 5 minutes they will wait for you.” 

…Sprinting to Mr. Radtke’s car, running stop signs, we made it just in the nick of time. 

Looking like the typical tourists that were lost and scrambling to get on board, we were greeted with a round of claps, muffled boo’s, and a couple of snipes.  Pretty funny crowd. 

I didn’t eat on the cruise and decided to shift my focus, again, to alcohol (not smart; people probably think I am a booze hound).  The other guys with me had the same mentality.  Well, within 45 minutes of the cruise, we toured to see the Black Pearl (they just finished filming another Pirates of the Caribbean), the sunset happened, and we were deep in conversation with 3 sisters in their upper 40’s chatting about who knows what. 

The rest of the night finished with drinks, dinner at Ko Olina Roys (equally nice) with those 3 sisters, funny games at the dinner table, stopping by Liane’s for the Pumpkin Carving (good work guys!), and passing out in the back of the car on the way back to Waikiki.  Look at the photo slideshow for more detail. 

What can I say, it was an action packed day of fun in the sun. 

Thanks Mr. Bhatt and the gang for a fun weekend!